And so the night goes on and on….
Dawn seems to be an eternity away….
The night so dark, with scary creatures appearing in every corner.
Anxiety looms waiting until I’ve just fallen asleep and then darts in for the jab to begin the chase….
And so I say, “why must we do this? You playing the monster and me the scared child over and over?
I strategize to chase you away as I hold my fingers, scan and relax my body. This merely pushes you far enough away so you can stand and hide behind the door silently waiting holding your breath. You wait for me to relax enough to fall asleep so you can lunge out and shout “boo!”
I am jolted awake and there you are with a new mask you’ve created in your waiting time. Scarier still than the previous one. You laugh hysterically as you growl, moan, and roar. What delight it seems you have in disturbing me again and again. You’re like a bad older brother preying on my sensitive, gullible Innocence..teasing me and finding such glee in shouting “I gotcha again!!
You are quite creative and I’m sure it helps that you know me so well. You know what works and what won’t even be given a glance. You know you can usually stir the pot when you bring the family or friends in the mix, then there’s the weather and the earth, the country, the world and around and around we go !
I’m learning you’re like quicksand, yet trickier still.
To try and defeat you is a life imprisonment sentence. Your hold is strengthened by my resistance and before I even know it you’ve got me just where you want me – obsessed and focused on you unable to loosen your grip – stuck and held without privilege.
Going deep in my body, breathing slowly and noticing you there I respect your power and I remember mine. I am aware of the drama and pray for courage and grace to witness with ease.