Once again, I’m in the backyard with my feet up and my head back viewing the beauty of my companions, the lush, green, lovely trees….How glorious! What greater space to breathe in the deep expansive ability of nature to bring rest and healing!
I grew up feeling unrest in my household where there was a lot of hustle, bustle and unsettling. As a young child I was “forced” to nap, which I totally rebelled against. As I think about it now, I think the environment was not very conducive to sleep with much activity and so many emotions palpable in the air. I felt “punished” by being pulled away from the group and being put in isolation.
In Kindergarten, the farm kids, who needed to stay in school the entire day so they could ride the bus home, were required to take a nap in the afternoon on little mats. I simply hated it! I remember often crying and mostly feeling very sad missing my mom and not wanting to close my eyes or rest. Although, even now, I do remember with fondness, the lovely little red, green, and white checkered quilt my Grandmother made for me. It had one square with a cute little duck on. That was the redeeming part of the “nap”, finding and holding tight to the little duck for comfort.
As an adult I loved staying up late into the night and even more so when I became a mom. I felt the ongoing pressure of restlessness stirring me on to “get it all done” and there never seemed to be enough time in the day so I’d burn the midnight oil and even then I couldn’t seem to get it all done. This left me feeling inept and exhausted only to push harder to meet the demands I’d placed on myself. I was continuously depleted, shortchanging my own need for rest.
And on it went over the years; pushing, striving, grasping to do what I thought I had to do. This relationship with Restlessness in the driver’s seat continued for many years.
And here I am today, years later, taking time to make friends with Restlessness. I see it’s point of view and it is truly amazing what it has accomplished. It’s so capable, strong, perseverant, and driven. I also see how tired my mind, body, and spirit are living with such a harsh taskmaster. As we’ve been meeting I have been slowly offering perhaps another approach to life. I’ve offered Restlessness a large cup of Self Love with a scoop of Tenderness. We’ve been able to talk about a name change. Restlessness can keep its first name, Rest, but it is imperative to replace the last name Less to Ful. I’ve noticed its ears perking up, eyes opening wide, and maybe even the sides of its mouth turning up when I suggest a long vacation with it’s feet up and head back ……