I grew up on a Nebraska prairie wheat farm where the expansive horizon spoke of openness, possibility, and spaciousness. However, that expansiveness did not exist within my family of origin. I didn’t feel safe, and fear in the form of anxiety was a constant companion. I was confused and felt guilty as though things that went “wrong” were my fault. I felt I was not good enough and had an overwhelming feeling of guilt and shame. These initial footprints created a lifelong pattern of needing to justify my existence by excelling and appearing perfect, being responsible for other’s feelings, and not taking responsibility for my own emotional, physical, and spiritual needs.
The process of identifying, owning, honoring, and releasing these patterns continues. I have been gifted throughout my life with companions on the journey. In my later 30s I began a spiritual evolution allowing myself the freedom to question spirituality, organized religions, and all the systems of outside authority that I had given power to. I could see that the strong patriarchal system of my family of origin was being replicated in the systems around me. Fear was the primary motivator.
Over many years using multiple tools I have been able to unravel the deep shame, guilt, confusion, and misunderstandings I have had most of my life about who I am. When I realized that fear was a normal and healthy survival tool I could see that the real issue was a matter of safety. I began to see that finding internal safety would be key to deflating the power that kept me trapped in fear and feeling that I had no right to exist. This internal safety would free me to take up space and to recognize my needs.
Many tools have helped me find awareness and healing. Expressive arts have proven over and over again to be an essential portal to this inner journey. Finding creative freedom through dance, story, intuitive painting, music, drumming, journaling, time in nature, as well as body work, acupressure, meditation, prayer, tapping on the meridians, herbal remedies, dream work, breath work, restorative walking, yoga, rest, soaking in a bath, being witnessed, InterPlay, and healthy eating have helped me. My relationship with a Spiritual Mentor as well as other women has given me safe spaces to be seen and heard, to acknowledge and honor myself and grow in self love.
I feel there is an inner code in each of us that originates within in our hearts where we are connected with the Divine. This special connection, “spark of life,” has been activated in my life to bring me to a place of remembering who I really am and what my real purpose is here on the earth. My life has and continues to offer me great opportunities, classrooms where I can teach and be a catalyst of knowledge and wisdom.
I am now in the last third of my life. With the passing of both of my parents, the reality of mortality and the shortness of this lifetime is emphasized. As I have gone inward in my journey, doing my Soul Work, it is time to remember who I am and honor my highest authentic Self. I do this by offering who I am and what I have learned to others to continue my own healing, discovery, and wisdom and to support others in their journey as well.
I am a Spiritual Mentor called to attend and trust the process of others doing the labor of their Soul Work; those longing to tap into and connect with their authentic Self using expressive arts as a portal to this inner journey. My hope is that together we may be the embodiment of love, walking together on the Pathway Home.